A nerd of the people
41 minutes ago
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slimiest:

a CEO walks into his office “any messages?” he asks his assistant
“two anons want to know who tom petty is and one just says ‘post your ballsack’”
“got it. check my dashboard”
“that skeleton gif you like is back again”
he rubs his chin pensively “mm. reblog that”

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ivyblossom:

This lie is a kindness.

John already lost Sherlock, buried him, and never managed to stop mourning him. There was no getting over Sherlock’s death for John, even after two years, and I expect he never really would have got over it if it had been true. When he talks about Sherlock two years on, he looks just as broken as he did immediately after it happened. Sherlock’s death always stays fresh for him, even after he decides to move on. That’s a wound that wouldn’t ever entirely heal, unless Sherlock could do the impossible thing and do what John asked of him: don’t be dead.

The first time, he could.

So this time around, Sherlock knows he’s going to die for real, but keeps that fact from John. He lets John think that after his six months undercover, he’ll have some unknown, new adventure somewhere. And then another, and another. Swashbuckling his way across the planet, getting into scrapes and getting out of them again. Instead of John mourning Sherlock’s death forever, he could imagine him out there somewhere solving crimes, being brilliant, making the world a less dark place. He’d read about mysterious, amazing things in the papers and wonder if it’s Sherlock’s work. For the rest of his life he could image him like that, Sherlock the lone crusader, changing the world, unable to come home, unable to take John with him, but not for lack of wanting to, and not for lack of love. It’s just circumstances beyond their control. He’d be gone, but for John he’d still out there. Missing Sherlock is hard, but mourning him is harder.

Mary can tell when Sherlock is lying, but John can’t, and Sherlock knows it.

Sherlock now understands what his death would do to John. So he very kindly gives him something better.

(Source: darlingbenny)

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glutenfreewaffles:

Do you ever have suCH A GOOD FAN FICTION IDEA

AND THEN

YOU CAN’T FUCKING WRITE IT BECAUSE THIS IDEA IS SO GOOD IT DESERVES AT LEAST 65,293 WORDS AND YOU KNOW YOU CAN’T GIVE IT THAT. 

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1 day ago
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scumplanet:

condensedbloodmilk:

trollzin:

error404s:

watch this whole thing please

jfc im laughing my ass off

watching this video was like sitting in a car accelerating to 150, slamming the breaks, spinning out of control, and barely missing a head on collision with a semi-truck.

THIS IS THE WAY TO DEAL WITH HARASSMENT.

(Source: nugs4science)

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boredomisanunderstatement:

necromaniiac:

"Zeke just got home from the vet — being allergic to certain grasses, he broke out in hives and they gave him steroid and benadryl shots. This is Winston, loving and taking care of him"

A cats purr vibrates at a frequency that promotes bone health and aids in healing. So the kitty is probably trying to purr him better.

this is so cute i feel like flowerr—child would need to see this

BABIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEESSS

(Source: broccoleafveins)

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Hugs?

(Source: alderion-al)

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luficerr:

luficerr:

i started a new sleeping medication and one of the side effects is really freakin weird dreams and last night i had a dream that by day i volunteered at a library and by night i was a crime fighting lesbian who defeated misogynists and robbers and stuff with super literary knowledge

i was appropriately titled “the lesbrarian”

no i dont want to be remembered for this

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My Least Favorite Trope (and this post will include spoilers for The Lego Movie, Guardians of the Galaxy, The Matrix, Western Civilization, and—cod help me—Bulletproof Monk*.) is the thing where there’s an awesome, smart, wonderful, powerful female character who by all rights ought to be the Chosen One and the hero of the movie, who is tasked with taking care of some generally ineffectual male character who is, for reasons of wish fulfillment, actually the person the film focuses on. She mentors him, she teaches him, and she inevitably becomes his girlfriend… and he gets the job she wanted: he gets to be the Chosen One even though she’s obviously far more qualified. And all he has to do to get it and deserve it is Man Up and Take Responsibility.

And that’s it. Every god-damned time. The mere fact of naming the films above and naming the trope gives away the entire plot and character arc of every single movie.

»Elizabeth Bear - My Least Favorite Trope (via owldee)
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I can’t stop constantly narrating my own life. At that very moment, I feared I had divulged too much.

(Source: leepacey)

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hermionejg:

fishingboatproceeds:

ohcurtains:

ofgeography:

so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!

here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:

disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.

sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.

so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—

here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:

  • it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.

so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE:

  • you have to pay for pay per view.

so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”

  • AS A FAMILY.

and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.

"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"

as a reminder, a quick table survey:

  • my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
  • my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
  • my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
  • me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography

silence.

my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”

silence.

my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.

my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”

  • WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?

"don’t expose my kid to that crap."

  • DON’T
  • EXPOSE
  • MY KID
  • TO THAT CRAP

"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."

  • I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
  • IN THE LIVING ROOM

but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • i did not want to go to porn prison

the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:

  • my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
  • my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
  • my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences

but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • this is the best thing i’ve ever done

what an amazing story

Wow.

Someone get this lady a book deal because I want to read Tolstoy length books by her.

(Source: bellecs)

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chestire:

This fucking show

(Source: boyhands)

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jam-art:

all about this kid

jam-art:

all about this kid

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